How A Speck Of Dust Changed My Life
The true story of a spiritual experience where a rogue piece of dust (and a good dog) changed everything.
It’s crazy how a speck of dust can literally change your life.
I often take my dog Bam to a pond near our house. There’s a bench at the top of the hill where I can sit and watch her live her best life. When the skies are clear, the sun shines on the bench in away that will incinerate all your questions about the magic of life.
I go there often when I feel in need of recharging, when life has me frazzled and living in my anxiety too much. Strangely, those are always the days Bam most wants to go too.
I sat there recently, bathed in warmth and light, the sun soothing my nervous system in a way only it can. Soothing was of the utmost priority that day, having spent the previous few living deep in my suffering. Suffering about my suffering, as Marcus Aurelius said.
The focused intention made stillness easier to approach – as it usually does. I closed my eyes and turned my face up toward the sun, sinking deeply into the inner pond of peacefulness that lives inside us all.
A few moments later I opened them again, full of gratitude for everything and everyone, completely unaware I was just a second away from taking a rogue speck of dust right to the eye.
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I spent a good minute doubled over, cursing my luck, blinking far too aggressively, and furiously rubbing my eye. Bam immediately raced over, trying to lick the damage away, but only making me more mad. I put the leash back on her harness and began stomping home, ready to spread self-sorriness and general misery in all directions.
But suddenly, in a way that was as jarring as it was fascinating, that voice of stillness I had been so connected to just a moment earlier came to my rescue, this time with a single word of wisdom:
Watch
That’s all that it said, just watch.
And so I did.
I watched the disconnection from the pond and the sun and everything that had only just now been full of so much joy and delight.
I watched the darkness inside me begin to spread to places impossibly far from my eye.
I watched the voice of suffering make its attempt to steal yet another day from my life.
Fortunately, its counterpart, the voice of stillness, had one final message to share:
and you’re going to be fine.
It was right, I could already tell my eye would eventually be fine, but I knew too - that reassurance wasn’t what it was highlighting for me.
The voice of stillness was shouting from the rooftops, in its own quiet way, that all this suffering was over something that soon wouldn’t matter at all; likely before the spreading of its misery had even begun.
When that awareness came, it hit me like an anvil to the head on a Saturday morning cartoon.
I assumed control of the conversation, acting as both prisoner and interrogator.
All this suffering and you’re going to be fine?
And what if you weren’t?
What if the irritation lasted all week?
What if it got infected and didn’t heal for months?
What if this is just how things are now?
It sounded like intrusive thoughts, but didn’t feel like it, so I pressed on.
What if for the rest of your life, you had to tell the story of the speck of dust that took your eye?
How much suffering would you allow inside you then, if you have already allowed in so much?
I had no choice but to admit, probably a whole heck of a lot.
How big a piece of you would that tiny little speck get?
How much of your life would you surrender to the way the wind blew on a random day at the pond?
Most importantly, how many specks of suffering, in all their infinite forms – neglect and betrayal and things other people have said – will you allow to continue to live inside you, draining your warmth… and your sunlight… and the love of an earth angel named Bam?
And then the kicker…
and you’re going to be fine.
You’re right, I said with as much of a laugh as the aggressive blinking still taking place allowed, I am going to be fine. Maybe not every day, but so long as I continue working to reduce my suffering about my suffering, ultimately, I’m going to be fine.
And you know what?
So are you.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Hi, I’m Will. You can find me building the Academy Of Self Help. If you’re someone who likes to read self-help books and loves to talk about why we are the way we are, we should be friends!
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