If You’re Afraid Of Wasting Your Life Away
This is where we begin again…
A few years ago, during a dark time in my life, I was standing in the shower when I suddenly felt my heart flutter. For all I know it could have been indigestion, but in that moment there was a flash of the end of it all - and with it a question.
What if this is it?
What if this is where everything ends, right here in this shower? What if, in just a short moment, all that will be left of me is a sad collapsed body under a stream of water drowning out my wife’s screams as the camera panned out and the credits rolled?
I told you: it was a dark time.
I heard the answer before the question had even finished:
What a waste.
I stood under the water until it ran cold, those three little words echoing in my ears over and over again.
What a waste.
I knew exactly what it meant. It’s not that I didn’t love my life. I absolutely did. In fact, I always felt I had stumbled my way to one far better than I deserved. Far better than I’d earned. A wife who couldn’t have been better suited for me, a son who I wouldn’t have scripted any differently.
And yet…it felt like I’d wasted it all.
That I hadn’t loved either of them hard enough. That I hadn’t been nearly present enough. That I hadn’t accomplished anything that left a mark.
That I hadn’t moved the needle—at all.
These days, I know better. I know the needle moves moment to moment—that by simply trying to do good, to be kind, to aim at love—no matter how inaccurately—instead of hurt, I was already fulfilling the only duty worth carrying.
But I didn’t have any of that then. Instead, I had Marcus Aurelius—the Roman emperor from 2000 years ago who scribbled little notes to himself about how to be a better human and inadvertently impacted centuries of people.
Standing under that freezing water, I remembered his instructions to himself:
Think of yourself as dead. You have lived your life. Now, take what’s left and live it properly.
If I had wasted it all, I told the voice still echoing in my head, there was nothing left to lose.
If I had wasted it all, the damage had already been done.
If I had wasted it all, I was now back at square one.
I turned off the water, took a deep breath, and turned toward the voice that said it had all been a waste.
Okay, I told it, then this is where we begin again.
•
Think of yourself as dead, my friend.
Begin again.
Begin again.
Begin again.
— Will Watson
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After spending some more time with your book - Here are some of the passages and page # that "hit me hard" as in - deep truth telling:
p. 5 "As far as I can tell, greatness lives at the intersection of none of this matters at all, and this thing I'm doing right now matters more than anything"
p. 21 "The bee works for the collective, but its flight path is uniquely it's own. Freedom, with purpose, in pursuit of the greater good." This almost distills the "meaning of life" question right here!
p. 24 "Worrying about things that may never come will steal your soul away...." this is the single most truthful passage - this relates to the other question of "what is the one thing you would change?" this is it - stop the worrying and fearing future fear and chaos!
p. 25 "Wear your heart like a crown. Be violently proud of who you are."
I have many more which I will comment on but here is the start....I hope we can discuss further.
Regarding your book - a few of the passages that hit me the hardest and ring the truest - page 77 "Equanimity in every moment, that's the ultimate goal- life's toughest battle, granting the greatest reward." This to me is an every moment - as you say here - every single moment battle! WORTH it every time.....